(LEXINGTON, KY.) – Every March, millions of Americans suddenly become experts on college basketball.
It starts innocently enough. We open the bracket. We glance at a few analytics charts. Maybe we listen to a podcast or two. Suddenly we’re throwing around phrases like adjusted offensive efficiency and KenPom rankings like we’re assistant coaches on Coach Mark Pope’s staff.
Then we submit our bracket.
Two hours later, a 13-seed beats a 4-seed and the whole thing looks like it was filled out by my Boston Terrier walking across the keyboard.
And yet every year we try again. Hope springs eternal—especially in Lexington, where Kentucky fans used to treat March Madness the way British royalty treats coronations: haughty, entitled, and patronizingly supercilious.
Back then, filling out a bracket meant one thing: figuring out who Kentucky would beat in the Final Four.
Now?
Now we’re a 7-seed squinting nervously at Santa Clara, while national analysts talk about the Wildcats the way zoologists talk about endangered species.
“Interesting program… historically dominant… but rarely seen in the wild anymore.”
Nothing humbles a fan base quite like hearing its team described in the past tense.
Still, the beauty of March Madness is that nobody really knows anything. Not the analysts. Not the algorithms. And certainly not the guy writing a blog called Huang’s Whinings.
So let’s dive into this year’s bracket and pretend we do.
The East: Blueblood Traffic Jam
The East region looks like a family reunion of college basketball aristocracy.
Duke. Kansas. UConn. Michigan State.
If you’ve been watching the sport for more than five minutes, you’ve probably seen all of them cutting down nets at some point.
Duke sits at the top of the region and the analytics people absolutely love them. Their efficiency numbers are ridiculous. Their roster is loaded. Their freshmen probably have NBA agents lurking somewhere in the parking lot already.
Which means they’re a trendy pick to win it all.
That’s usually the moment Duke fans should start sweating.
Even with a couple of injuries to key players, the Blue Devils probably survive the early rounds, although I do like 12-seed Northern Iowa knocking off St. John’s. Every tournament needs one mid-major that shoots like the rim is the size of a hula hoop. And Rick Pitino needs his ego deflated before his head expands another inch.
Kansas lurks. UConn lurks. But eventually talent wins.
Prediction: Duke survives the East.
The West: Where Brackets Go to Die
Arizona headlines the West region, and on paper the Wildcats look terrific.
Which immediately makes me suspicious.
Because the West also features Gonzaga, Purdue, and about six teams capable of blowing up America’s office pools.
First upset alert: 14-seed Kennesaw State over Gonzaga.
Every March there’s a moment when a national power suddenly realizes the other team’s guards are faster and hungrier. This could be that moment.
Then there’s 10-seed Missouri knocking off Miami, which I’m predicting purely because Dennis Gates looks so good in a suit.
Arizona probably survives the chaos, but not before giving their fans a mild cardiac episode.
Prediction: Arizona wins the West.
The Midwest: Kentucky’s Nervous Corner
Now we arrive at the portion of the bracket that has Kentucky fans clutching their bourbon glasses and rosary beads simultaneously.
Kentucky vs. Santa Clara.
Twenty years ago, that matchup would have produced a polite chuckle in Lexington. Now every national analyst seems to be whispering the same sentence:
“Santa Clara is a very dangerous mid-major.”
Translation: Kentucky better not mess this up. Santa Clara shoots well, moves the ball, and has absolutely nothing to lose — which makes them exactly the type of team that ruins blueblood reputations.
Still, I think Kentucky escapes the first round.
Not comfortably.
Not convincingly.
But enough.
After that, things get tricky.
I’ve got 11-seed SMU upsetting Tennessee, mostly because Tennessee never makes it past the Elite Eight. This year—to the delight of BBN—the Volunteers go out in the first round. We can all dream, can’t we?
Contrary to popular opinion, Kentucky’s real problem isn’t Santa Clara or Iowa State or Virgina for that matter. It’s Michigan. The Wolverines are balanced, disciplined, and unfortunately very good.
Prediction: Michigan beats Kentucky in the Elite Eight and wins the Midwest.
If you’re laughing hysterically at that prediction, I suggest referring back to the title of this blog.
The South: The Rock Fight Region
Florida sits atop this region as the defending national champion. But Houston is lurking like the final boss in a video game. The Cougars defend everything, rebound everything, and turn games into ugly wrestling matches where nobody scores for three minutes at a time.
That style travels well in March. And everybody suddenly loves Kelvin Sampson. “Forgive and forget” they say.
Meanwhile, I like 12-seed McNeese over Vanderbilt as another early upset. Guards win tournament games, and McNeese has them.
Eventually, however, the region comes down to Florida and Houston. And I’m taking the Cougars to ruin Todd Golden’s repeat.
Prediction: Houston wins the South.
The Final Four
After two weeks of buzzer beaters, busted brackets, and emotional trauma, we arrive in Indianapolis with four survivors:
- Duke
- Arizona
- Michigan
- Houston
Houston grinds Arizona into submission while Duke overwhelms Michigan with too much Cameron Boozer.
As much as I hate to say it, Duke takes down Houston for their sixth national championship.
Prediction: Duke wins the national championship.
Final Thought
Of course, everything I just wrote will probably be wrong by Thursday afternoon. A 13-seed will shock someone. A mid-major will become America’s darling. And somewhere in America a Kentucky fan will stare at their destroyed bracket and mutter the same phrase we’ve all said for decades:
“Next year… we’ll do much better.”
Which, if you’re a Kentucky fan, isn’t just optimism.
It’s tradition.
And occasionally… it’s delusion.
This article was originally written for distribution through Nolan Group Media publications.
Dr. John Huang is a retired orthodontist, military veteran, and award-winning author. Currently serving as a columnist for Nolan Group Media, he invites readers to follow him on social media @KYHuangs. Explore his latest, Whining for Posterity, and all his books at Amazon.
huangswhinings 